Why Alcohol Stopped Working

The first time I ever drank alcohol was at a party in high school.

Someone handed me a red solo cup, and I took it without hesitation. I always knew that drinking was what kids my age did to have fun. Drinking alcohol for fun was portrayed everywhere on television, by every adult I knew, and by my peers. How bad could it be? All I knew about alcohol was that you drink with your friends, have fun, wake up hungover, shake it off, and go on about your day. I didn’t realize alcohol was that harmful. My behaviour seemed normal.

I remember acting in ways I wouldn’t have, had I been sober. I said whatever was on my mind, believing I was funnier, prettier, and smarter. All of my anxiety and fear vanished instantly. It felt amazing not to think about my insecurities or problems.

That was paradise.

After that first night, I drank whenever I could get my hands on it and anytime I went out socially. From that moment on, I always associated alcohol with fun and good times.

It got to the point where I didn’t feel good unless I had alcohol. I thought this was normal. I was definitely someone who loved alcohol way too much, starting at a young age. How could I not? Alcohol gave me everything I wanted as a deeply insecure teenager.

Maybe I inherited a generational gene for alcoholism from my family. Or maybe I was just a sucker who stood no chance against such a powerful toxin, one that could instantly calm every nerve, take away my pain, and erase my worries, responsibilities, and problems, at least temporarily.

Chances are, if you’re reading this, I can spare you the details of the many nights I was too intoxicated and the awful hangovers that followed.

Luckily, I was able to cut back on my drinking. During COVID, I focused on my health. I lost weight, started running, changed my diet, and improved my sleep. As a result, I became more confident and didn’t always need a drink as a crutch.

My alcohol tolerance, thankfully, dropped significantly. Even one glass of wine made me feel terrible, with negative effects setting in that same night.

Sure, I might feel good for twenty minutes, but then the dizziness would hit, my stomach would hurt, and I’d get a headache. The next day was even worse. Terrible brain fog, a pounding headache, and overwhelming waves of anxiety and depression that would linger for days.

Naturally, I started to hate drinking. It no longer fit my lifestyle.

The real challenge, however, was the social aspect. Everyone I knew drank. At every social event I attended, alcohol was a given. It became the only way I could tolerate the situations I was in. I didn’t even question whether I enjoyed the moment or the company. I just knew that being my sober self felt unbearable.

Despite knowing how much I suffered and recognizing alcohol as the cause, I still tried to moderate my drinking. And for the most part, I did well. A glass of wine after a tough week, a beer on a sunny patio, or drinks with colleagues after work.

But inevitably, a night would slip in when I overdid it. And the crippling anxiety that followed was absolutely unbearable. At some point, I realized something needed to change. And I knew I needed to choose a different path.

So, I decided to create a community for people going through the same thing. And for those who sense that drinking is only one piece of a much deeper struggle.

I know so many others who feel like I once did. People who don’t even enjoy drinking but struggle with the social pressures of not drinking. It doesn’t have to be that way.

If you’re reading this, welcome home. You’ve found a place where you belong. If you’re looking for a supportive community, I’m here for you.

We’ve got this together.

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